Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
