I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
