Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
