Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
