I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
