i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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