ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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