he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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