I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ketchup is God's man juice
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
