I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
