Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
