Dual....:-)
I just pynch a tree in the face
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
