I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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