I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Randomize
