I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
