Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
