This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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