I need help removing her.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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