Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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