Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
