Who wears a wallet chain?!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
