I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
