I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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