We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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