Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
