Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
