I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
