Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
