This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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