and she was petting her beer can
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
