what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
