Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize
