Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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