I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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