fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
