One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
