Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
