McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
