your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
