It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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