i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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