Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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