I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
