MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
