Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
