so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
