I want to have your abortion
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
