Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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