you guys were way drunker than both of me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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