I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
where are my eyebrows?
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