so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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